BBS in a Box 3/BBS in a box - Trilogy III.iso/Files/System7 tools/S/Startup Quotes1.0b1/Startup Quotes App/Startup Quotes App.rsrc/STR#_128.txt

Text File | 1992-12-27 | 17.4 KB | 555 lines

It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Sex is hereditary -- If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

Zimmerman’s Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more “user-friendly”...Their best approach, so far has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words “user-friendly” on the cover.

Ketterling’s Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

The cost of feathers has risen...Now even DOWN is up!

Next time, give “The gift that keeps on giving” -- A female kitten.

On a clear disk, you can seek forever!

The probability of someone watching you is directly related to the stupidity of your actions.

If Old MacDonald had a computer, would it use Eee-aye-eee I/O?

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.

That? That’s a packet of assorted miseries which we call a ship.

The golden rule is that there is no golden rule.

Sir? Am I to understand that you people sell dead, fried BIRDS here?

The little I know, I owe to my ignorance.

Sentence first - verdict afterwards.

Physics is experience, arranged in economical order.

Why stop now, just when I’m starting to hate it?

We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

If you don’t say anything, you won’t be called on to repeat it.

Does anyone REALLY read these stupid quotes?

All truths begin as blasphemies.

Trust me - I know what I’m doing.

No opium-smoking in the elevators.

Hollywood? It’s a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

I’m only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler.

There will be no beans in the Almost Perfect State.

Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knows?

Art upsets, science reassures.

Truth exists, only falsehood has to be invented.

There are no secrets better kept than the secret everybody guesses.

Anything awful makes me laugh.  I misbehaved once at a funeral.

What's tennis without a racket?

Insanity is hereditary -- You get it from your children.

An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Gravity doesn’t exist: the earth sucks.

Q: What’s the most popular form of birth control?
A: The headache.

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: An embarassed zebra.

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: Certainly not the Halifax newspapers.

Ancient Chinese Curse:
May all your wishes be granted.

Ancient Chinese Curse:
May you live in interesting times.

Organization is the enemy of improvisation.

Familiarity breeds.

A good memory does not equal pale ink.

He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.

Opening night: the night before the play is ready to open.

I did it! I found the program's last bug!
  bug    bug      bug        bug
          bug            bug               bug

On y soit, qui mal y pense.  (You are what you think.)

Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.  (He who laughs last laughs best.)

He who laughs last probably didn’t understand the joke.

The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

!retupmoc siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.

Crittendon’s 14th application of Murphy’s First Law:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

You can’t win.
You can’t break even.
You can’t even quit the game.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

Chisolm’s Third Law, Corollary 3:
Procedures designed to implement the purpose won’t quite work.

O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Laws:
Murphy was an optimist.

Sevareid’s Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.

If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.

Kitman’s Law:  Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.

Sattinger’s Law: It works better if you plug it in.

Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law):
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Interchangable devices won’t.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Anthony’s Law of Force:
Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.

Any given program, once running, is obsolete.

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you’ve got something.

If at first you don’t succeed, transform your data set.

Westheimer’s Time Estimation Rule:
Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and add 3 indpendent of the units of time.

Bye’s First Law of Model Railroading:
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.

Wolfgang’s Third Law:  It can’t work.

Don’s Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.

Si six scies scient six saucissions, six cent six scies scieront six cent six saucissions. (If 6 saws saw 6 sausages, 606 saws will saw 606 sausages.)

Un chasseur sachant chasser chasse sans son chien. (A hunter who knows how to hunt hunts without his dog.)

Ton the’ t’a-t’il ote’ ton toux? (Did the tea cure your cough?)

Dinon dina, dit on, du dos dodu d’un dodu dindon. (Dindon dined, said he, on the fat back of a fat turkey.)

Qui trop embrasse mal entreint. (Grab much, gain little.)

First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.

Second Law of Advice: The correct advice is to ask someone else for advice, especially someone who is better at giving advice.

Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice.

If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.

There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Sweer’s Impossibility Theorem:
Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time.

Swap read error, you lose your core image.

Murphy’s First Law:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy’s Second Law:
Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy’s Third Law:
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.

Murphy’s Fourth Law:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy’s Fifth Law:
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy’s Seventh Law:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy’s Eighth Law:
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Chisolm’s Third Law, Corollary 1:
If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.

Chisolm’s Third Law, Corollary 2:
If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't like it.

Crane’s Law:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

Law of Communications:
The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

Lord Falkland’s Rule:
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Jones’ Motto:
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Gumperson’s Law:
The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Cole’s Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.

The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

Parkinson’s First Law:
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Parkinson’s Second Law:
Expenditures rise to meet income.

Shanahan’s Law:
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.

Zymurgy’s Seventh Exception to Murphy’s Laws:
When it rains it pours.

Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.

Jenkinson’s Law:
It won’t work.

The DREA Law:
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions, the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.

Skip’s Lament:
Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.

Finagle’s First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle’s Fourth Law:
Once a job is messed up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

Always draw your curves then plot the readings.

Experiments should be reproducable; they should all fail in the same way.

Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.

When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Any given program, once running, is obsolete.

Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Cheops’ Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Helplessly planned projects take three times longer to complete
than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.

Wynne’s Law:
Negative slack tends to increase.

Boren’s Law:
When in doubt, mumble.

Q’s Law:
No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a project, the cost of the remainder of the project remains constant.

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.

Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.

You can’t plant me in your penthouse, I’m going back to my plow.

I ain’t broke, but I’m badly bent.

Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.

If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right.

Lost interest? It’s so bad I’ve lost apathy.

The greatest programming project of all took six days; on the seventh day the programmer rested.
We’ve been trying to debug the blinking thing ever since.

Two wrongs do not make a right:
It usually takes three or more.

A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

A man who turns green has eschewed protein.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

Behind every argument is someone’s ignorance.

Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.

Creditors have much better memories than debtors.

Don’t worry if you’re a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.

God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes.

History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.

How you look depends on where you go.

I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.

I never fail to convice an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

I’ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

Idleness is the holiday of fools.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing about average.

If some people didn’t tell you, you’d never know they’d been away on vacation.

If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think they’ll hate you.

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

It’s sweet to be remembered, but it’s often cheaper to be forgotten.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Let’s just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.

Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.

Many a family tree needs trimming.

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.

Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.

Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.

Nice guys get sick.

No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts for support rather than illumination.

Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples.

One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.

One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.

Ours is a world where people don’t know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.

People who take cat naps don’t usually sleep in a cat’s cradle.

Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.

Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.

Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.

Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.

Swap read error. You lose your mind.

The Programmers’ Cheer:
Shift to the left; Shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, Byte, Byte, Byte!

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

That must be wonderful! I don’t understand it at all.

The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.

The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.

The only rose without thorns is friendship.

The plural of spouse is spice.

The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.

There’s at least one fool in every married couple.

There’s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.

Think twice before speaking. But don’t say “think think click click”.

This computer will self-destruct in five minutes.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.

To be or not to be. (Shakespeare) To do is to be. (Kant) To be is to do. (Sartre) Do be do be do. (Sinatra) Yabba dabba do! (Flintstone)

To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.

To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.

To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.

We read to say that we have read.

What orators lack in depth they make up in length.

When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.

When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility?

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you travelled from where you started.

The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else.

Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.

Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is quite so satisfying as receiving an income tax refund.

An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.

Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.

When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.

It’s always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.

Why can’t life’s big problems come when we are twenty and know everything?